Tag: Humor Writing
-
Numerals BY THE NUMBERS
[Successive pairing special] 0 As lonely as one. 1 Pairs in a two. 2 Humps on a three. 3 Strokes for birdie on par four hole. 4 Digits not called “thumb” of five on normal hand. 5 Looks like six when resting lazily against short wall. 6 Number of sevens on popular Boeing plane (printed…
-
Punishing a Cross-Country Runner
“Our sport is your sport’s punishment” has been boasted on many a cross-country teams’ shirts—printed on the warm-up tee (only making a meaningful statement when worn in the halls). It’s essentially true, though, as football coaches bark out “Gotta catch those, kid—take a lap!” and in basketball, “Hands up on D—give me a ladder!” So,…
-
Fitness BY THE NUMBERS
292 Calories burned by 175-lb. person in 30-minute spinning class.233 Calories burned in 30-minute CrossFit workout.27 Calories burned (cumulative) by three skinny gals standing near the weight machine for 30 minutes looking at their phones. 2 Diabetes Type that can be prevented and managed by regular physical activity, combined with a healthy diet.150 Minutes of…
-
A Session With Dr. Che
“P” – Anonymous Patient “D” – Therapist, Doctor C. Li Che P: Sorry I’m a bit late…accident on the connector today. D: Heard. I literally play bumper cars on that commute. P: I hope not. D: No worries, I started my clock on time. What brings you back today? P: Umm…our appointment? We set…
-
Urban Dictionary Submissions
The “Urban Dictionary,” the crowdsourced Internet lexicon for staying in the know, has defined for us catch words and phrases such as “binge watching” or the much less useful “potaint” (the soft and sensitive part of a potato). It is a thorough resource, although I’m not sure why it must be “urban.” I protest: people…
-
AutoCorrect As Life Coach
AutoCorrect (a.k.a. Predictive Text or AutoFill) can be a timesaver, a helpful assistant for the spelingley or grammatical challenged, an aid for a “swiped” entry, or, let’s face it, a nuisance. But it’s here to stay and getting smarter (especially on phones like mine, in service a long time). We know such features are powered…
-
Pestilence Pushback
I love the “Great Outdoors.” Thankfully, I live just two hours from superb mountain ranges hosting pristine alpine and sub-alpine lakes and streams, flanked by forests of Douglas Fir and Lodgepole Pine. And hosting mosquitoes, horseflies, and deerflies. On a recent backpacking trip, mosquitoes prevailed by sheer number. We all ran out of DEET early…
-
Mountain Road Hazards
If planning to get away to the mountains, don’t ruin your moment in the fresh piney air by getting yourself into a car accident. You might be leaving the lowland driving hazards of road construction and bumper-to-bumper vehicles, but you may encounter other threats. For starters, the scenery: Let your passengers enjoy the rising peaks…