Curated Cogitations, Page 5 (Medical) – Your Humor Source

Curated Cogitations, Page 5

It’s usually positive when lab results are negative.

People think it’s cute to tack -itis onto a word and act like it’s a medical condition. I heard jackpotitis used on a morning show referring to a gambling problem. But itis literally means “inflammation.” Sure, though, it can work as a metaphor, such as one’s high credit card balance suffering from compounditis. But if you pay attention, you’ll see that many get the meaning of their invented word backward: Patientitis doesn’t mean that you suffer from a lack of patience, but that your patience is growing. A man might quip about his erectile dysfunction as “penisitis” when that’s exactly what he doesn’t have.

You could save hundreds by sneaking in your own ibuprofen when you are admitted.

Occasionally some religious cult followers, concerned about the behavior of their charismatic leader, start to split away from the main group and initiate dissension. This is a rare case where a “compound fracture” is desirable.

At some point a person may need to go off a medication, but then what’s best for the patient will reduce the pharmaceutical revenue. The solution is for the doctor to keep prescribing the drug, and for the pharmacist at checkout to start warning, “Just a reminder, you might experience some, shall we say, gratifying side effects if you happened to forget to take this [wink].”

If something extremely unusual and problematic happens within my body, I hope to get treated somewhere in which multiple doctors hang around in one room and take a heightened interest in me. A place where they don’t ask about my insurance coverage. A space where I can offer a profound monologue about my feelings on life and my condition, and they will listen, investing in my case even further. “Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital” for sure.

Copyright © 2023 Richard Berndt – All Rights Reserved.

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