Reverse Life Hacks
Your Guide to Problematic, Inefficient Living

So, you have a free Saturday to knock things out. Or perhaps it’s Monday and you are in the work-from-home crowd. Either way, there is much to be done in your digs. Allow me to help:

Don’t check your calendar. Or check it but look at the wrong day and go from there.

Put on some music and sit down to create your task list. It helps if you can forget where you put your phone (or pen, if you write your lists) so you can get back up and start looking for it and discover snacks instead. It’s also fine if you can’t decide what music you are in the mood for, because that can kill 10-15 minutes before you remember that you haven’t yet started on your list. If you do eventually get to making the list, prioritize only what sounds fun and nonessential. Then get right on it.

Employ a productivity method throughout the day, such as counting your steps or straightening things that are lying around. If you are not naturally obsessive-compulsive, it can be fun to pretend that you are, and you might develop a bit of the condition with practice. If you feel like you have everything looking tidy, find a drawer that you think could be rearranged, dump everything out, and get to work on it. Continue to go for snacks whenever you think about it and remember to count those steps.

Combine tasks, especially things that can’t be done at the same time. If you can never complete your multitasking efforts, then you’ll always be multitasking, and you can brag to people about how you multitask incessantly.

Check your email and text messages any time that you think about it. If you never found your phone, this is especially effective and frustrating. You may think Well, at least I can check my emails on my computer, but if you do this, go ahead and log off from your email account and turn off the password autofill feature, restart your computer, and pour yourself a stiff drink.

Take regular breaks. These will energize you to work productively in short bursts. Or at least to shorten the bursts and lengthen the breaks regardless of the productivity. In fact, don’t bother evaluating productivity because that’s so subjective.

Get onto the Internet and browse sites that have a high density of advertising and pop-up activity. Look at everything the page throws at you. If you are not naturally a person with ADHD, it can be fun to pretend that you are, and you might develop a bit of the condition with practice.

I trust that you will do well employing this guide. You are, after all, reading it, which is already problematic and inefficient. Well done! I haven’t yet been successful at monetizing Your Humor Source with targeted advertising, so my apologies for the lack of clickbait. But this link will open a brand spanking new browser window showing my site map. Scroll and click away until you get a message from your dentist explaining that you’ll need to reschedule the appointment you missed today. You’re welcome.

[This bit was inspired by the proliferation of “life hacks,” and also by the fact that I am older and routinely waking up around 5:30 a.m., despite intentions of sleeping later. I think this is God’s natural way of assisting me to be productive on par with when I was younger (but required a 7:15 a.m. alarm). It doesn’t make sense though, because I think I am more focused than ever, and…wait, what was I getting at?]

Copyright © 2022 Richard Berndt – All Rights Reserved.

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