Clever Craft Beers (with Suggestions)

I am a craft beer fan. Add the trend of serving it up with amazing pub fare in hip spaces, and we have something that the U.S. of A. should be proud of.

Many of these breweries, in the levity of sharing a drink, and to stand out, have taken to branding their specific brews with clever names. I would like to highlight a few of these breweries and give a shout out to some of their cagy labels, but in the process would like to use my platform of influence (I have followers in the double digits, folks) to offer like-minded suggestions—at no charge.

The Salt Lake City airport has four dynamite craft beer-related eateries; one of them is Wasatch Brew Pub. Building on the irony of producing beer in Utah, they offer a Polygamy Porter. For their next wheat beer, I’d like to recommend “Best Wife Weiss.”

One state over, we find Colorado’s New Belgium Brewery, of Fat Tire Ale notoriety. They offer a variety of beers branded as Voodoo Ranger. I like that dark, outdoorsy combo. May I suggest appending the line with a handful of “Juju Smokejumper” offerings? Perhaps for the jalapeno-added ones.

Lesser known, but a brewery I frequent when in New Mexico is the Bandolero in Clovis. In my quest for a good pilsner, I’ve enjoyed their closest thing, an American ale called Pancho N’ Lefty. Now, my suggestion doesn’t go straight with their Old West theme, but could be indirectly associated with the wannabe cowboy vibe: Alongside the Pancho N’ Lefty they could offer the self-deprecating “Hang to the Rightie.”

Sticking with the West, I must recognize the Deschutes Brewery out of Bend, Oregon. I’ve trail-run up the Black Butte for which their porter is named. They also offer the seasonal Jubelale, with its spicy notes. Might I suggest a particularly high-alcohol brandy-style ale, one that knocks you flat on the ground before you make it to the holiday dessert, released alongside Jubelale as “Epicfale.”

Lastly, also from Bend, but with a splendid brew pub in Boise, is 10 Barrel Brewing. I’ll highlight two. First, All Ways Down, a double IPA. I like how they tweaked the frequency adverb. I’d like to suggest working similarly with an adverb of degree, offering a tap alongside All Ways Down called “Some What Gay.” In the classic sense it could communicate the lightness of taking things happily as they come. Or in line with the modern vernacular, it could simply be a refreshing vodka soda. Second, 10 Barrel offers Nature Calls, an IPA. A “Mountain IPA” in fact, so they’ll be sure to compete well in that rare category at the next Beer Festival. As with my Epicfale idea, may I again suggest a stronger, imperial version, not for the light or newbie drinker: Keep offering Nature Calls, but add a robust tap called “Mature Balls.”

That would be it on my brewery highlights and suggestions, but I now realize that two of my ideas were quite androcentric (Hang to the Rightie, Mature Balls, even the vodka soda reference, not macho but male nonetheless). So, my apologies to the ladies, who also have every right to enjoy beer and surely do. Perhaps another tap of Mature Balls could be offered up as “Labi Ale Majora.” There you go. Cheers!

Copyright © 2022 Richard Berndt – All Rights Reserved.

One response to “Clever Craft Beers (with Suggestions)”

  1. Well familiar with many of these as a Server. Now I’ll be blushing as I do! 😉

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