Tactical Clothing

I like that capitalism generally offers us choices and value in goods and services, although inflation seems to be diminishing much of that lately. I do not take for granted that I enjoy prosperity and only must manage “first world problems.” So, I attempt to guard against greed and discontentment, which includes being wise to marketing. Though necessary, advertising is a pervasive discontentment-builder. Wiley marketeers pour out manipulation and yes, even deception, and we must swim through their waters. Keep your wits about you, friends; the gullible shall drown!

Word choice is a major manipulation tool. I recently shopped for comfy travel pants on Amazon, and magically my Instagram feed pommeled me with clothing ads the following week. I scrolled dismissingly through these until I noticed a company offering me a “tactical” shirt. It appeared as merely a handsome shirt, buttoned down and tan, but intrigued by the “tactical” claim I looked more closely and read further. And for the first time in my life, I realized that with the right fabric and subtlety of design, a shirt such as this could not only cover my hairy torso but also position me to win my next confrontation.

I caught myself before clicking and paying, as I thought this through: into what tactical operations must the average person engage? Does someone at the office need to be taken out? Could this help with a more assertive lane change? And if we need better clothing for our missions, shouldn’t tactical wear start with boots or gloves, or perhaps sharp accessories?

Yet if a nice dress-shirt or pants can be part of our tactical kit, then why not undergarments? Could tactical underwear help me in the bedroom? And if so, would I have to keep them on to get their full benefit? How would that work?

“Hey babe, I know I haven’t always been approaching this right, but you just wait…I’ve bolstered my positions on the east flank, the troops have my back, and I’ve strategized a dual ground-air assault. Maneuvers will now commence…”

“Uh, I appreciate the effort, hon, but how’s this gonna happen with those canvas briefs around your knees?”

Copyright © 2022 Richard Berndt – All Rights Reserved.

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